All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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