Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
