Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
