is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
