I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
