we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
