her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
