He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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