It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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