How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it because I queefed?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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