guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
