oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
