can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
