I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
