yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
