At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
