I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
