allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
