I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
