I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
