no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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