Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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