I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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