This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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