yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
