Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
