Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
