I think my vagina is haunted
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
