If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
