Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
