NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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