who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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