When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
