His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
