would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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