dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
