making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
