meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
