It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
