thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
