his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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