I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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