coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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