Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
