I'm going to jail i love you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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