I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
