she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
