I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
