He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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