stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
