if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You left your phone here
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