So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
