The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
