the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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