my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
